Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.

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(904): View more from Florida

I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...

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(201): View more from New Jersey

My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

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(303): View more from Colorado

We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."

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(503): View more from Oregon

Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.

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(718): View more from New York

I just ate a handful of salt

(718): View more from New York

I thought this was a good idea

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(303): View more from Colorado

He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.

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