You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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