are you still at the devil's house?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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