Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
