I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
