iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
