Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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