If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
