Umm I'm too high to move.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
