i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
