Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
