i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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