Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
