I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am available for nakedness
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
