At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
