Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
