I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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