I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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