he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
what is it with giant penises always finding me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
