i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
