The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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