We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
