you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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