I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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