i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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