He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
