It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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