You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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