3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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