omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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