just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
