Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i came on her dog
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
