I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
