dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
