All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
