I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
