oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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