i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
