just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
