he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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