quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
