This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
