What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
