look no pants
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
