How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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