I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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