this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
