He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Holy sore nipples Batman
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
