im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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