When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
