i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
