I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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