I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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